The latest missive from Rennie Sparks of the Handsome Family (link left)
"Dear Diary, I have made every sensible attempt to contact you via bus station telephone as well as encrypted e-mails masquerading as appeals from the Nigerian government. I feel I have no recourse but to write you directly and announce:
LATEST TOUR DATES FOR THE HANDSOME FAMILY...
Alas, we must start from the beginning -- several days ago I dropped a raw egg into a jar of water and studied the patterns as the yolk slowly drifted apart. I was much alarmed by what I saw.
APRIL, 2005: HANDSOME FAMILY TOUR DATES
April 21, CEDAR CULTURAL CENTER
416 CEDAR AVE. SOUTH, MINNEAPOLIS, MN 612-338-2647
April 22, “THE FUTURE OF FOLK MUSIC”
(WITH EUGENE CHADBOURNE, SIR RICHARD BISHOP)
AT THE HIGH NOON SALOON, 701A E. WASHINGTON AVE., MADISON, WI.
SPONSORED BY THE UW CENTER FOR HUMANITIES.
April 26, KIVA AUDITORIUM
2ND STREET & MARQUETTE, NE, ALBUQUERQUE, NM.
OPENING FOR WILCO.
I examined my dental records, a recent MRI, and a childhood colonoscopy, but found conflicting messages within the hazy images. I threw chicken bones from a burlap bag. I swung a hatchet down into the kitchen table and took careful note of the pattern of quivering in the handle. I looked at the swirls of hair left by my cat upon the bedspread. It was simply not possible that all this hair had come from my cat!
I approached a young girl on the street and asked her to hold my key chain dangling between her first finger and thumb. Her slender fingers trembled and the keys slowly began to swing in a wide counter clockwise circle. I made a dowsing rod from a coat hanger and carefully marked where the rod began to point downward as I slowly walked about my neighbor’s yard in the wee hours before dawn. I drew the alphabet in the dirt behind the grade school and spun round until I fell over onto one of the letters. There was much blood.
JULY, 2005: HANDSOME FAMILY TOUR DATES
July 8 and 9— WINNIPEG FOLK FESTIVAL, WINNIPEG, CANADA
www.winnipegfolkfestival.ca
ALSO IN JULY
EUROPE:
16 JULY, UK
LARMER TREE FESTIVAL
www.larmertreefestival.co.uk
+44 (023) 8071 1820
18 JULY, SPAIN
HUESCA PIRINEOS SUR FESTIVAL
www.pirineos-sur.com
21 JULY, UK
THE 100 CLUB - LONDON
£12.50 adv
www.the100club.co.uk
www.wegottickets.com
I walked into the local police department and demanded to be handcuffed. I set my shirt afire. I opened the telephone book at random. I called strangers and asked them to guess what was in my mouth. I took a jar full of beetles down to the cemetery and observed how they gravitated towards the graves of murder victims. I examined the bubbles left by drunks urinating in my flower pots. For the love of all nameless gods, I beg you to cease and desist. Your ever-faithful servant...
Xo Rennie"
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