Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Soccer Update for All Our Readers in Idaho

WALES, ENGLAND - The World Soccerbowl FA Final Cup showdown between the Awesome ArsenalGunners and the Mighty Manchester Buccaneers began at 3pm GMT in Wales, England, in the Cardiff Bowl, national stadium of Team England - which is represented by David Beckham and his wife pop superstar Victoria Beckham.

The head coaches Arsenal Venga and Al Ferguson Sr. had to change their starting rosters due to injured team members. The Buccaneers missed defensive cornerback Gary Neville and the Gunners missed their top points scorer this season - Terrence Henry.

Both coaches opened the quarter with offensive formations, although the Buccaneers started the game with a defense strategy and quick counter-attacking through wide receiver Cristiano Ronaldo Dos Santos Aveiro.

By utilizing a solid defense in the first half and exploding on offense in the second half the Buccaneers began to control the game. Cristiano Ronaldo Dos Santos Aveiro had 376 Running Yards total in the game. That's his second highest this season, the fifth highest in total this season for all offense players and takes his average to 275.875 career average rushing yards, which is the 11th highest ever in the world in the FA Soccerbowl cup since 1956 and 3rd highest ever for a Latino wide receiver since 1923. Like this guy was totally awesome.

Rio Ferdinand - the man currently embroiled in a massive drug scandal with other top athletes Ben Johnson, Kurt Cobain and Marion Jones - tried to clear his name by scoring a field goal from a free play after Jen Lehmann had block-shocked an effort from David Beckham's England assistant Wayne Rooney. However the lineman spotted an infringement and ruled a no goal.

Cristiano Ronaldo Dos Santos Aveiro continued to provide assists to Ruud Van 'The Man' Nistelrooy but he couldn't improve his end of season stats to boost his career total which now stands at 221 Touchdowns.

Both head coaches made few substitutions but wide receiver Giggs nearly converted a field goal for his team when defenseman Senderos gave possession away in the third quarter. Goal Tender Lehmann made a rush and cleared play to the touchline.

The Buccaneers had the ball in the Gunners end-zone for most of the fourth quarter but couldn't cross the line as Goal Tender Lehmann produced seven block-shots, four tip-overs and nine catches to ensure he picked up the Budweiser Most Valuable Player Award ahead of David Beckham.

With the game tied at zero zero, the FA Soccerbowl went into a Budweiser sponsored overtime. The Gunners took only one incomplete goal attempt in OT through Robin Van Persie while the Buccaneers continued to play offensive formations with Cristiano Ronaldo Dos Santos Aveiro adding more rushing yards in overtime to bring his total to 456.65 yards. The Gunners decided to use body-block defense moves to regain possession and Jose Antonio Reyes was sent to the sin-bin in the final minute of overtime for an illegal body-check.

The FA Soccerbowl was decided by free shots for the first time in the history of the world ever. With Venga and Ferguson Sr. choosing not to bring on the free shot special teams it was left to team leader and minority special interest group player-of-the-year Patrick Vieira to convert the winning free shot for the Gunners after a small ginger-haired Buccaneer had failed to convert his shot.

After the event, diehard Buccaneer fans - brothers Avi and Joel Glazer spoke out; "The result today was unfair. If we had one million dollars for every incomplete goal conversion from our team today it would only take us only the rest of our lifetimes to clear the interest payments on the club's
debt."

Their senile father Malcolm who is also a life-long Buccaneers fan was overcome with joy at the final whistle as his childhood heroes the Manchester Buccaneers a.k.a. The Red Devils lifted the trophy - "Give me a B - U - C - C - A - N - E - E - R, Go Buccaneers! We won, we won, the Red team won! Woohoo Go the Buccaneers"

He continued "That was totally awesome man, that was like, just way cool, when Paul McGrath lifted the SOCCERBOWL cup I was so happy. Now that we've defeated the Gunners in play off series I'm looking forward to meeting Chelski in the play-off final for the World Premiership Title"

1 comment:

Lisa Rullsenberg said...

Priceless. I'm linking to this right away. Still wiping tears from my eyes after reading it!