Never Been Cool—And Proud of It

Darren was speculating last week as to the whereabouts of former NME journo Steven "Seething" Wells. Just to prove he's still around, here he is reviewing the Goldie Looking Chain album Safe as Fuck in his own inimitable way.

I did rather like this bit:

"So I'm on this train with an A&R man possessed of impeccably proletarian scouse credentials.

A&R: All middle-class people want to be working class, because being working class is cool.

ME: Nonsense.

A&R: I beg your pardon?

ME: I said nonsense. While the proletarian accents of London, Liverpool, Glasgow, and Manchester might possess a certain countercultural cachet, anybody unfortunate enough to be cursed with, say, a Birmingham, Lancashire, Norfolk, or west country accent is generally regarded to be a drooling, stinking, straw-sucking, sister-humping, pig-thick yokel animal fucker who eats raw turnips and stops to stare at passing aeroplanes. Has anybody ever faked, say, a Welsh accent in order to appear cool? Of course not.

And that, in a nutshell, is the core joke behind Goldie Looking Chain. They could be from Bradford. They could be from Swindon. They're actually from Newport. Which, as it happens, has produced legions of alt.pop comic geniuses. John Langford of Mekons and 3 Johns fame for one. And the legendary Carlton B. Morgan for another."

Great stuff.

And for the record, I don't have a sister. And my brother and I are just good friends.

Honest.