Thursday, March 01, 2007

Humourous Blog Post of the Year, Whatever Any Other Fucker Says

This item from GalwayFirst is just too fucking hilarious to be true. Almost every line is a gem.

A man who was found dressed in latex and handcuffs brought a donkey to his room in a Galway city centre hotel, because he was advised “to get out and meet people,” the local court heard last week.

Thomas Aloysius McCarney with an address in south Galway was charged with cruelty to animals, lewd and obscene behaviour, and with being a danger to himself when he appeared before the court on Friday. He was also charged with damage to a mini-bar in the room, but this charge was later dropped when the defendant said that it was the donkey who caused that damage.

Solicitor for the accused Ms Sharon Fitzhenry said that her client had been through a difficult time lately and that his wife had left him and that his life had become increasingly lonely.

“Mr McCarney has been attending counselling at which he was told that he would be advised to get out and meet people and do interesting things. It was this advice that saw him book into the city centre hotel with a donkey.”

She added that Mr McCarney also suffered from a fixation with the Shrek movies and could constantly be heard at work talking to himself saying things like “Isn’t that right, Donkey?”

Supt John McBrearty told the court that Mr McCarney who had signed in as “ Mr Shrek” had told hotel staff that the donkey was a family pet and that this was believed by the hotel receptionist who the supt said was “young and hadn’t great English.”

Receptionist Irina Legova said that Mr McCarney had told her that the donkey was a breed of “super rabbit” which he was bringing to a pet fair in the city. The court was told that the donkey went berserk in the middle of the night and ran amok in the hotel corridor, forcing hotel staff to call the gardai.

McCarney was found in the room wearing a latex suit and handcuffs, the key to which the donkey is believed to have swallowed.

He was removed to Mill St station after which it is said he was the subject of much mirth among the lads next door in The Galway Arms.

Poor sod, what harm was he doing anyone?

He was fined €2,000 for bringing the donkey to the room under the Unlawful Accommodation of Donkeys Act 1837.

Of course. That old one. Gets them every time.


J.J said...

Best post ever anywhere!!!!

Sweary said...

South Galway. Pah. That's discrimination. We had WB Yeats, you know. For a while, anyway.

Reidski said...

That is mighty fucking funny!

Yorkshire Pudding said...

The age of the condescending imperial Brits is not yet over. How long will it be before the Irish are given the respect they deserve? If it had been a stereotypical tale about an Afro-Caribbean man, outrage would have ensued!
(By the way oim wroitin dis wiv me tung shoved firmly to the soide o' me molars!)

Martin said...

Superb but it still won't make this weeks Bog Cuttings.

John said...

Some bits of it don't ring true (Irina Legova, for instance) but the paper reported it as a bona fide court report, so who am I to argue.

Paul E. said...

Yes - that Irina Legova bit leaped out at me too.

This isn't a spoof, is it?

(hope not)

Reidski said...

of course it's a spoof - but it's still hilarious :-)

Paul E. said...

The Register has picked it up with an update

Lisa Rullsenberg said...

When it's this funny, who cares about spoofing!

Bock the Robber said...

Well, it's typical. They could have charged him under the Unlawful Discommoding of Donkeys Act, but donkey rights are so far down the agenda it isn't even funny anymore.

Kav said...

Excellent. And I've heard of stranger laws, so who knows.

Will said...

Follow up

John said...

Thanks Will.

Hmm. Made an ass out of millions? Except for those who thought it was too fucking hilarious to be true in the first place.