It Was Primavera Sound 2009. What Did We Boogie To?

Best "Drummer's Band" - Lightning Bolt (Pictured). Like The White Stripes but in reverse.

Best "Let Them Know Who's Boss!" Moment - Jarvis Cocker telling a punter on his way out after just one song, "Where are you going? Have you got a fucking train to catch?"

Most Ambitious Attempt At Catalan - Jarvis Cocker for his stab at "My hovercraft is full of eels."

Best Impression of Hot Pants Romance - The Vivian Girls. What Manchester does today,New York does today.

Best Middle-Aged Man Horizontal, Balancing On One Leg - David Yow of Jesus Lizard (1.46 into video)

Best Young Man Soldiering On With A Bad Back - Eddie Argos of Art Brut. What a cracking set. He even had the nerve to leave the stage a la James Brown. Class.

Best Cover Version - A Certain Ratio. "Shack Up." (Not "Lie Down" as the dickheads behind in the crowd seem to think.)

Biggest Opportunity Missed During A Cover Version - Neil Young closed out "A Day in the Life" with several minutes of squalling guitar feedback when there was piano behind that was begging for a one-note finale.

Best Mid-set Breakdown - Wavves. There we were saying,"These are bit shit considering the hype they get."

Least Expected Footy Reference - Andrew Bird "Hey, congratulations on last night. You have an excellent football team."

Furthest Away From Stage Due To Volume - My Bloody Valentine. At least we weren't daft enough to see them in the Auditorium without earplugs. Jordi?

Furthest Away From Stage Due To Size of Crowd - Neil Young. The papers reckon there were 30,000 in for his set. I reckon there were 30 people behind us. The attendance was somewhat swollen by the fact that Primavera closed down all the other stages while he was on.

Greatest Relief For The Use Of Video Screens - Aphex Twin.

Tightest Outfit - Bat For Lashes. Well, Natasha Khan's anyway.(Picture doesn't do it justice. Sorry.)




Reformed Band Sounding Most Like Teenage Fan Club - The Bats

Reformed Band Sounding Most Like Belle & Sebastian - The Vaselines

Band With The Most Number Of Obvious Influences - The Horrors

Worst Disguise Of The Week - Tim Burgess. Even with a beret, a wig and thick glasses on John still spotted him 50 yards away, and John's technically blind.

Song That Has Stuck In My Head For A Week - Bowerbirds "In Our Talons"




John says

Lest we forget:

Least Gracious Gesture of Magnanimity in Defeat from a Red: Jeremy Kerr of A Certain Ratio: "Anyone here from Manchester? Oooh! I said a dirty word!"

Second-Least Gracious Gesture of Magnanimity in Defeat from a Red: Also Jeremy Kerr of A Certain Ratio: "We didn't turn up, did we? Fucking hell."

Record for Interminable Grumpy Strumming of Bass: Jeremy Kerr of A Certain Ratio

Foulest Dietary Staple of Festival: Cans of Jack Daniels and Coke

Most Pointless Use of 500 Mobile Phone Cameras: Audience of the Aphex Twin

Can I also point out that it was Tim Burgess wearing the wig, beret and thick glasses, not me?

Also, that the drummer of Lightning Bolt is also the vocalist. A picture alone doesn't do them justice.

(Photos courtesy of Pitchfork.com)